NICK: We began writing this eulogy by asking ourselves a question - How would Cathy want us to talk about her? She wouldn't, really. She wouldn't want anyone to feel sorry for her or worry about her and if she knew we were going to talk about her, I imagine she would roll her eyes, shake her head, and say, “Well, as long as it's nothing bad…”

TONY: We are Cathy's cousins. I am Tony Buccola, also known as Little Tony or Little T, son of Auntie and Big Tony, who are also known as Big Kathy and Big T, and I am also the Grandson of Grandpa Al and Grandma Socky, who are also known as Big Al and Marie Martinet. And this is Nick, my brother, who ironically has no nickname.

True story. I had a dream about Little Cathy a couple of days ago after I first heard that I would get to be a part of her Eulogy and she told me, “Ugh, this whole thing is just so embarrassing. Please say something funny, so my mom and sisters aren't crying the whole time… make something up if you have to.”

NICK: It may surprise some of you to learn that Cathy was in a GANG. She was not only a member, but a founder of the PASADENA POSSE. Her street tag was, of course, “Little Cathy.” Rather than occupying our time with vandalism and other petty crimes, the Pasadena Posse usually met on Wednesdays for a matinee and dinner. Our preference was for independent films or as Cousin Meryl calls them “ARTSY-FARTSY MOVIES.” Particularly through our Posse meetings, we came to find out that hanging out with Cathy is truly a one-of-a-kind experience.

TONY: A conversation with Cathy is truly an intellectual adventure. Her voracious appetite for learning about the world knows no boundaries. Cathy constantly absorbed enormous amounts of information about art, literature, music, politics and spirituality from all over the world. In conversations with Cathy, we've learned about everything from the writings of the Vietnamese Buddhist monk TICK NOT HAHN to her thoughts on the latest Harry Potter book.

NICK: Although Cathy knew everything, she never acted like a Know-It-All. Rather, she carried her immense knowledge with MODESTY and GRACE, two virtues she had in spades. She would never use her knowledge of the world to show off, but Cathy did enjoy sharing the wonderful things she found with friends and family. This was sometimes an adventure because Cathy's tastes were, like her favorite radio show, ECLECTIC.

Consider, for example, Cathy's musical tastes. She introduced me to the fast-paced dance music of the Sri Lankan artist M.I.A. And she introduced Tony to the smooth sounds of the Cuban Buena Vista Social Club. Tony and I still enjoy all of her musical suggestions today. BUT not all of Cathy's experiences of musical sharing went so smoothly. I remember how hard she laughed when she told me about a road trip she took with her parents a few years ago. Ken, Peggy, and Cathy planned to drive through Big Sur and Cathy thought it would be a good idea to bring along musical accompaniment. What did Cathy think was the appropriate musical compliment to the magnificence of Big Sur? She selected the KA-WALLY music of the Pakistani artist NUSRAT FATEH ALI KHAN. For those who don't know, KA-WALLY is the devotional music of the Sufi sect of Islam. To the unprepared ear, Khan's music can be a little overwhelming. As Cathy told the story, her mom and dad's reaction was something like: “WHAT THE HECK IS THIS?” In response Cathy said: “What? I thought you liked devotional music.” After having this experience with her Mom and Dad, Cathy handed me a tape of Khan's music with a warning: “Prepare yourself, it's a little different.”

TONY: I often get advice from Cathy also because she knows me so well. She claims that it's because we are a lot alike and think a lot alike, not just because we proudly carry the prefix “Little.” We're also both the oldest child in our families, we're both left-handed, creative right-brain thinkers, introverted and shy for the most part, very principled and resolute, but most importantly and you can ask both of our fathers, we're both ALWAYS right and we know EVERYTHING. I'll admit, it's all in my head most of the time…. But Ken, I know for a fact that it's definitely true about her. Personally, since a very young age I've always agreed with her or quickly changed my mind after discussing anything with her for two reasons: She has always been right and she always does, in fact, prove to know everything. So, really I've gotten by on only knowing enough to know that I need not go any further than her for answers.

NICK: Tony is not the only one who knew he could turn to Cathy for advice. Everyone in the family and in her vast group of friends knows Cathy as the voice of reason, calm, and WISDOM. I have never known anyone who listens better than Cathy. I think because she listened so well, Cathy gained a deep understanding of human nature. All of us knew that whenever we were faced with an existential crisis, there's no one better than Cathy to calm us, to counsel us, and to point us in the right direction.

TONY: When having a conversation with Cathy, I felt that she was absorbing every word and moment. Her ability and willingness to listen enabled her to know each of us so well; sometimes even better than we know ourselves. One manifestation of this is the fact that she is the world's greatest gift-giver. Let me tell you why – she never got us something she knew we liked, she got us gifts that she knew we would love…something we probably never would have discovered on our own. This translated into the categories of dispensing advice, intellectual conversation, fun or educational outings, and making recommendations for books, movies, music, plays, art, travel, restaurants, food, magazines, essays, articles, and pretty much anything else… we can give Cathy credit for a considerable percentage of our interests and obsessions, but also many of our most memorable experiences. And the best part is that these “gifts” haven't necessarily come on birthdays or Christmas – Cathy gives them year-round.

NICK: Another aspect of Cathy's personality that all of us know so well is her subtle, yet fantastic sense of humor. A favorite story of mine comes from just a few years ago during my Junior Parent Weekend at Santa Clara University. My dad was unable to come up for the weekend, so Cathy made the trip up north with my mom. Throughout the weekend, Cathy introduced herself to the other parents as my “FAUX FATHER.” I think she may have even written it on her name tag. We delighted in watching the other parents try to make sense of this ambiguous title. We laughed so much that weekend my face was sore for a week.

TONY: Another funny story - Cathy told Nick and I that when we were toddlers, she used to love to ask me what kind of car Grandpa Al drove because she reveled in hearing me mispronounce the word “TRUCK.” And also, she taught me the art of emotionally traumatizing a younger sibling.

NICK: But Cathy isn't only known around the family for her great sense of humor. As a sister, I know that Denise and Danielle cannot imagine a more special relationship than the one they have with Cathy. As parents, I know Ken and Peggy feel the same way. In her role as Auntie Fluffy, Cathy has been there for all the big events in the lives of her nieces and nephews. Little league games, school plays, birthday parties – you name it, Cathy was there. One of my favorite memories is of the huge smile on Cathy's face as she rallied everyone within earshot to the dance floor when Sister Sledge's “WE ARE FAMILY” was played at Rachel and Ryan's wedding. And we would be remiss if we didn't mention the special relationship between Cathy and her trusted sidekick, the Auggie Doggy. Augie has been Cathy's constant companion and the two of them loved a good game of tug-o-war between Augie's attacks on the UPS guy.

TONY: When I think of Little Cathy's role in our family and among her friends I think of something our Grandpa Al used to say. Big Al was not a censored man by any means, but especially when it came to voicing his favorites – Grandma Socky was his favorite wife, my mom was his favorite daughter, my Uncle Ken was his favorite “oldest son,” and my Uncle Bill was his favorite “youngest son” … but most often and with all of the family in earshot, I heard him say, “Little Cathy is my favorite grandchild.” … Other than the obvious reason (that she actually was his favorite grandchild), I believe that the reason he said that to us was to set the bar. He knew…or hoped anyway, that if the rest of us respected his opinion and needed or wanted to emulate anyone, it was her. I learned a lot from him, but I thank him eternally for that challenge.

NICK: A few months ago, another person picked Cathy out as his favorite. The beautiful connection between Ray and Cathy is obvious to anyone who has spent a minute with them. Over the past few months, it has been an absolute joy to watch the two of them glow in one another's presence.

TONY: Above all else today, I feel especially proud of Cathy because of absolutely every thing about her and we should all feel extremely blessed to have been a part of her life in any way.

NICK: All of the things we have talked about today are manifestations of the tenacious, courageous, independent, and loving spirit that animated Cathy during all of her days. The life she authored is the most beautiful and meaningful life we have ever known. A couple of years ago, I was asked on a fellowship application to choose and describe my hero. ….. To this question, my answer came easily. The answer I gave is the one I think everyone here would give: Cathy Martinet, My Hero.